Sunday, May 30, 2010

Habit 5: Seek to understand before being understood

This is a very simple paradigm, but its one we probably neglect the most.
In a nutshell, what this means is that one should diagnose before giving a prescription. So often when we face a conflict, or someone comes to us searching for a listening ear, we are quick to judge, or at least apply our own brand of logic and shoot straaight into what we think is the best solution.
However, many times when we do this, the person feels judged, misunderstood, and frustrated. Looking for a listening ear, he or she instead got lectured, or winded up listening to your perception of the issue.
When you are resolving an issue, or trying to win someone over, the best way to do that is to approach from their understanding, their concerns. How can you provide a solution when you fail to appreciate the true nature of the problem, despite your sincerest intentions?

Ethos Pathos Logos
These are the three ingredients to this paradigm.
Ethos refers to your personal credibility. Its how much a person trusts you and believes that you can really provide a solution.
Pathos is whether you're understanding is truely aligned to this pthers needs and concerns
Logos refers to whether your solution is logical.
The difficulty is often in setting aside your reactive judgement, but once this is done you will find a whole new level of knowledge and trust flowing in the relationship.
Cheer Hard
Alpha Joe

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